Believe me she will wonder whats going on with you! After all of this I still loved her and wanted things to work. OMG just more Internet divorce encouragement. Go out with my friends. I just dont see it. I just cant wrap my brain around it. We have a daughter, and kids cant keep a marriage together. Please never allow anyone to take that from you. Words of advice Get an emotional tool belt, of things that will help you get better.. I was the best husband I could be and we have a ten year old son together. It is a very bizarre and humbling feeling. If you want to. I took a job overseas to help the financial situation of my home. Who locks their 3 year old out in the place with your bedroom door locked and not answering the child cry until the next morning when your mother shows up with your older child because you cant watch her overnight anymore and really dont watch the other one. Thanks CassieD. Part of me wants him to come Home and tell me you made a big mistake. If you think your husband is depressed too, and you're trying to save your marriage . Any advice? Also found a stack of dram idol vyles under bathroom sink. We both have busy jobs and he works away Mon- Fri. My original post would have sounded very similar to yours here. I am the one who needs help, not him. Everyone keeps saying mid life crisis. I have read this article and Im still trying to get my head around my wife wanting to leave me (married 1 year 11 months, together 7 years) for a guy she has only known for a few weeks and I cant understand why she would want this. I certainly wouldnt feel the need to reply with a comment if someone suggested to see a Rabbi BECAUSE IT DOESNT APPLY TO ME. Failure to "wake up and smell the roses". Permission to publish granted by Andra Brosh, PhD. I am still learning the scope of the damage that was done to me. I say things before I realize it and then it is just to late Nobody is perfect but there have to be certain things that will be most important to you. She was also getting mess from her primary doctor as well. If you would like to talk with a therapist or other mental health professional, you can use our website to find one in your area: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I have been divorced for 9 months. You will be fine. Then it was time for us. Im not sure whats worse having your spouse off the deep end and watching them demonstrate it, or having someone appear completely intact going through life whilst I am going WTF Below, divorce attorneys and marriage therapists share the most damaging things you can say in a marriage and what you should say to your spouse instead. A few weeks have now passed and Xmas has come and gone and no kids for me, nothing. Be selfish. My heart aches with yours. Married to a Workaholic: When Your Spouse Works All the Time Anyway things bumbled along for about 2 years then her new best friend decided to came on to me which I thought was a joke at first as that sort of thing never happens to me (my wife is the pretty one). So, if you want to give your marriage another chance,watch his simple and genuine video here. I cant eat, sleep or focus at work. I understand. I know how you feel. I feel very sad this happened to you but if she is leaving so quick without giving you a fair chance she may just be a self-centered person. I dnt no wat to do. I have been on his plan for 21 years. I miss the small talk. Two more days pass and today she texts about me packing the house (I am going to lose it) and she is now not retuning until June 30th but not necessarily here as she insists upon a divorce. To the spouse who wants out . I do not believe that you can just fall out of love one day as if it is completely unrelated to how each of the partners interacts with one another. The truth is if it is important to you, it should be important to him. I am still here. Two months ago she said it was over with him. I cant imagine that devastation. Sadly there is no research about depression and suicide in men at this life stage (there's little enough about women). I still love him but at the same time I have to learn to stand by myself. She spent a few nights at his place and on new years eve she drove him home and spent the night. She isnt in love with me anymore. They lost a mom too it sounds. Try not to take this too personally, but be sure to address your own accountability as well. Married People Who Left Their Spouse For Someone Else Reveal How - Minq I know that whatever is meant to happen will and nothing will be too much for me too handle as Im not in this alone. He apologized but, i know that he meant it. Solicitors dont help you can go to them and tell them anything and they will help you. I thought the point of counseling was to speak your mind. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. Im in Oregon. I wish you all the best my wife of 25 years had a facebook affair with a strange man from the UK she had this affair online for eight months.and they met only 10 month after his wife died. Its like he wants to keep me down. I was together with my wife for 19.5 years. Its a long story between my ex and I, but basically he just left me one day because I wouldnt give him 20 dollars for gas, because I didnt have it, and I wouldnt let him use my car because I only had enough gas to get back and forth to work and didnt have any more money to put in my tank because I paid the bills, I dont know where his money went. And thats not good because he wont want to be with anyone who cant keep her self-respect. Giving praises, compliments, hugs, kisses and other affections are normal. He is on disability because of multiple chemical sensitivity. A couple days after New Years she finally agrees to let me come grab a garbage bag of clothes. Thank you for sharing. All those things Ive overlooked for years are very obvious now. . My virginity was stolen from me raped at the age of 14 by 2 people I thought were my friends. Its rough but in the long run we will be better off. You can search in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Best wishes! and yes even now he is with his lover and left me in another state by myself. I have kept in touch with her help her financially and tried my hardest to help the situation between the kids and her all to no avail . We now have a new and our 5th counselor. I am 28.after 5 year of marriage my wife left me.our relationship was role model in the society.I had just started to earn the best salary which could be enough for our happy future but she has left me and I think there is value of the money.she was satisfied with every angle including sexual too.but suddenly she changed decision and staying with her parents.cant believe. I have not name called him once during the whole 6 weeks it took him to leave. I am disabled and have unique issues that cause stroke like symptoms and memory issues. I can have my flatulence moments with only the kids laughing at me and I am learning about me. I will admit that i have said some hurtfull things to her a long time ago.And she so has she.We have a son and when he was 2 she left me for a couple of weeks,then we got back together.then 15 years later i read some of her private messages on Facebook that she was talking to some guy. I could not allow a man to make me feel less another second! It happened so often I barely paid attention. Its the idealistic lovethe one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children. To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. My organs were beginning to shut down, and I wound up at the hospital. Sometimes the more you resist the worse it is. I can barely sleep I usually try to find places to go to get my mind off things. Thats really hard. I miss her deeply. He just kept saying it was 'his problem.' I later learned this depression likely stemmed from him not wanting to leave his son, but feeling like he was stuck in a marriage he didn't want to be in. Remember : you dont want to be with someone that doesnt want to be faithful and loyal to you. I lost my wife, two stepdaughters and someone I thought was a friend.I was good to her and never cheated. . I am truly lost without her. My now separated wife has called the police on me for suicide watch (ive never been suicidal) and also called childrens aid because I might be a physical danger to our son (the only hitting Ive ever done is on the hockey rink). Trust Him to emotionally get you through (one set of footprints in the sand means He is carrying you thru this!!!). Wow. I believe every situation has a grieving process and mine was about a month ..I smoked heavily and released my anger in the gym till my pain went away. The devil has taken him or her over but it is up to you to be the bigger person and fight through it. I lost 11 lbs in less than 2 weeks. Our problems began about 5 months ago. The ability to do what they want and when they want. We are both 60, we have a son of 23 and a daughter of 20 about to go to uni. It hurts to have been so stupid to believe she ever wanted it back at all, probably just guilt for what she did. SOARING Into Strength author shares her trifecta of trauma and what she learned. If you feel lost and hurt by this vast life turmoil, you have come to the right place for help. Just because someone is depressed, has anxiety, or [insert mental illness here], doesn't mean you should write them off. Since than we had a very bad fight only one day after my 40th birthday and l havent heard from him scence. I told myself I was going to focus on my health, going to workout again & eat right. Then,Christmas came around, and he started acting like the kids do not need anything, so, its time they learned disappointment. She was the main person I talked to and let her manage things. Recently, my wife left me. From a third person view the situation looks as if a woman knew she was going to make that decision and did not have the courage to tell her husband in person . This just might be a part of a painful process where you have to learn how to get over someone. the first time they ever met face to face was at the airport.love at first sight in her words.the way I found out, I was on my way to work and got a text message. Had a six month affair with my real estate agent next door. Its so bizarre to go from being very loving and leaving cards and messages and notes about how honored he is to be my partner , to ..we never had it right and Im unhappy and Ive been unhappy for 10 years or our whole life. Im not happy being left out. I know for my own good I will have to pick up my shattered heart and live as if it never happened. I have been with my wife for 20years and married for 16 years. How to cope: As hard as it is, try not to take this personally. We will pay 25 for every Letter to (please write about 600-700 words), Playlist, Snapshot or We Love to Eat we publish. The taint of desperation lingers at my heals and I fight to be encouraging to two son who have lied to and thrown away as I have like trash. My husband left me a few years ago after twelve years of marriage and me moving to another country to be with him. Are you real? The whole that used to be my heart was devastated. Just have to keep moving forward. My wife and friend are not really communicating and when they said they wanted to be friends I think they wanted amicable aquanties. Stay Focused, Pray, Keep Faith and Believe . Seriously, scared me. Really she is 60. Make her respect you and have dignity..move on get yourself together n this may take time but keep busy and stay active in ur kids life. Feel like Im ready to give up. god help me to get through this. Now after he left you what 5 months ago you still have his stuff everywhere and clothes and golf clubs. My eldest 10. She speaks highly of him and is really attracted to him. This often happens when one partner is keener to end a relationship than the other. Marriage abandonment can be the result of many factors, including: If youre wondering what to do when your husband or wife abandons you or your partner suddenly leaves, turning to family and friends for immediate support can be invaluable. So how does one go on with life and ever feel love again??? Needless to say, I reminded him of the timing he set up and we did not get married. In the same boat. I dont know what to do. Online forums are places where people come together to share their experiences with one another. When you give yourself to a person completely then they just walk out of your life like nothing its so easy for them I feel depressed and dont know how to cope everything reminds me of him and its harder at night sleeping alone I saw this coming but still wasnt prepared enough. Six months that I have been experiencing the utmost happiness, while also experiencing the most gut-wrenching guilt. I dont know what makes it better. Then what, it is just so sad. Husband walked out a week before thanksgiving on our three kids and me. I still love her since I said I do. I dont know how youre not happy when Ive given you everything you asked for. Kasey Scharnett-King, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Fort Worth, Texas, suggests being wary of impulsive decisions. Just because she knew need her health insurance doesnt mean she entitled your settlement. When my wife announced that she was leaving, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I had made all the food and he had left it all behind. I want to be his wife and be with him always and he just left. To a better year and life ahead, thats all I can pray for! So youre probably right, 19 years from -now 21 for me, we probably will never know. The kids are with her in the parents house. But I did it and discovered 2 empty bottles of butane. But I am steadily going forward. We believe that is best left to our members. Nothing to lose, and the possibility of everything to gain, in losing that pain. Your not the only one Focus on yourself and kids. Not looking for any comments just felt a need to write that lot down. You need ice cream once in awhile! If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. We have an 18 month old boy as well. It feels like I have been blind sided, she didnt even give us a try to work it out. now this 55 year old woman, has pierced her nose, lip, all up and down both ears, and has gotten three tattoos.it is very strange behavior, for a woman who went to church. Look it up. He is more interested in our character, than our comfort. 7 Reasons Men Leave Their Marriages, According To Marriage - HuffPost Things have been bad for awhile, but it is still hard to accept that it is over. He has disconnected from your relationship and has "one foot out the door" so to speak. Signs a Marriage Cannot Be Saved - Verywell Mind She makes way more money then I do and she also said I smothered her. Husband suffeing depression has left me. But there isnt anything other than try to focus on your kids. She came back after months and said wow you have changed! Paul W. Paul what did you do to overcome the sadness? Love has to be tough this is one reason no matter what you must not take her back . He drove all the way home at midnight. I learned all this by looking through texts on my daughters phone. My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my child seems to have just done the very same thing to me. I met a woman on-line and its going great but it is long distance I am an alcoholic in recovery with almost 22 yrs of sobriety. Over the Xmas period she started to become distant, but I put it primarily down to the fact that her grandad, who shes very close to, is now in a home with Alzheimers and it would be her first Xmas without him. The morning came and he started screaming at me. I feel exactly the same as you There is no weekends off. I have someone that they work with that gives me info and all they do is talk about me and say Im a terrible mother and person.. Hi, I married my wife when i was 22 yo Call out to the lord! So instead of just reading, you can actually take action. Sign the SBP, 10 yr rule for half his retirement and get your cs and alimony. First of all,thank you for sharing your story. I found out last Friday (after him denying it over and over) that he is having an affair.